If you knew who I was.. you would never grow old. [entries|friends|calendar] thehugxpoem Entries Profile Friends Archive I have a friend, he's mostly made of pain and he wakes up, drives to work and straight back home again He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper Oh, I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover And I tried to tell him that he had a sense of color and composition so magnificent And he said, "Thank you, please, but your flattery is truly not becoming me Your eyes are poor, you're blind, you see No beauty ever could have come from me I'm a waste of breath, of space, of time." [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[ August 5, 2005 ] I believe in you and me I’m coming to find you If it takes me all night Wrong until you make it right And I won’t forget you At least I’ll try And run and run tonight Everything will be alright Everything will be alright Everything will be alright Everything will be alright I was out shopping for a doll To say the least, I thought I’ve seen them all But then you took me by surprise I’m dreaming ’bout those dreamy eyes... 0: post·add·edit

[ July 29, 2005 ] A pictures worth a thousand words But not worth the words I need to hear I miss you so much that it hurts And tonight, I wish you were here with me So I could make you see The stars, they lay across the sky so perfectly They remind me of All the times, when we used to sit underneath them, those summer nights And fall in love Its not alright, it's our last night together I won't give up, I can't let go, of you. I can't let go of you. And tonight, I close my eyes and dream that he is still the one, laying there beside me I'd walk a thousand miles I'd swim across the sea What do I have to do, please just tell me 0: post·add·edit

[ July 27, 2005 ] My heart is dead and so are you And it pulses through, the desire to change The desire to deconstruct all of my past failings But where to begin because when you live in sin It's hard to look at saints without them Reflecting their jet black auras back on you And all I have is hope, my inner burn's not fading I'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day And all I have is hope, and all I need is time To bury in pine under six feet of time The lies I told me about myself Claw my way out, pick the splinters from under my fingernails I won't lose hope, I won't give in Just live and breathe and try not to die again 0: post·add·edit

[ July 27, 2005 ] I woke up with this song in my head this morning I woke up with this song in my head this morning I was dreaming about your record collection and all of our scratched affection I woke up with this song in my head this morning With no singing, with no swinging too There is no dancing, there is no missing you I woke up and put your record on this morning I woke up and put your record on this morning So when the oven is hot I'm going to melt the plastic Into an ashtray or candy basket I woke up and put your record on this morning With no singing, with no swinging too There is no dancing, there is no missing you When you go, will you glow on and on and on and on? When you go, will you glow on and on and on and on? I woke up with this song in my head this morning I woke up with this song in my head this morning It made my head ache It was that great but now it's gone and life is wonderful You made my head ache You were that great but now you're gone and life is wonderful There is no singing, there is no swinging too There is no dancing, there is no listening too There is no scheming, there is no missing you 0: post·add·edit

[ July 21, 2005 ] Ughh.. so.. another day gone bye. im having mixed feelings about going to the brick tonigiht, wether it was worth it or not.. like.. i knew id have to face him someday. but when i saw him pull up. i dont know.. i couldnt breathe like an panic attack, i couldnt stop shaking, i had... a horrible horrible pain in my heart. and it only got worse when he hugged me or looked at me. i even caught myself once giving him a hug like he was my boyfriend, like it was okay to hug him whenever, but then i quickly pulled away and realized.. he isnt yours anymore. you arent his.. you arent his anymore. you cant kiss him or hold him, you cant even tell him you love him anymore. i thought i was okay but i cant stop crying again, seeing him just makes it so hard, seeing what i cant have. i would sit there talking to him, still looking at him with love in my eyes and a smile on my face.. thinking if anyone saw us talking right now they would see how in love i am with him.. that i was happy because i was right in front of him.. i just desperately wanna feel the pretection i felt when i was in his arms. i wish i could go back in time, and remove every argument i got in with him over the stupidest shit. because i think thats part of the reason we broke up cuz he doesent wanna be controled. ughh i worshiped the ground he walked on, so why the fuck did i ruin it. this one.. hurt reall real deeep down this time. deep down. "when you left i lost a part of me.. it's still so hard to believe.... .. who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody better" i want you back but i dont. i dont wanna love you anymore. 0: post·add·edit

[ July 21, 2005 ] only a couple crying sessions today.. only a couple. "im not afraid of being alone... ohh nooo" 0: post·add·edit

[ July 21, 2005 ] I started looking out for myself today but then I stopped cause I don't care I'm feeling bored of feeling numb so now I'll stop cause I don't care I started looking out for myself today but then I stopped cause I don't care I'm feeling bored of feeling numb so now I'll stop cause I don't care so get it get it get it right I'm not holding on to a thing here get it get it get it right I'm not holding on and I can say now holding your head up is hard when you just want to stay on the ground so stay on the ground holding your head up is hard when you just want to stay on the ground so stay on the ground I started feeling bad for myself today but then I stopped cause I don't care I'm dreaming less and sleeping more but I'll sell my soul for the dream you stole so get it get it get it right I'm not holding on to a thing here get it get it get it right I'm not holding on and I can say now holding your head up is hard when you just want to stay on the ground so stay on the ground holding your head up is hard when you just want to stay on the ground so stay on the ground About fifty years left of just waiting around put your heart on your sleeve and watch me pull it down About fifty years left of just waiting around put your heart on your sleeve and watch me pull it down holding your head up is hard when you just want to stay on the ground so stay on the ground holding your head up is hard when you just want to stay on the ground so stay on the ground 0: post·add·edit

[ July 18, 2005 ] Walking At Night, Alone" holding my breath walking at night with you i get to hear your voice again if this is a dream, maybe you'll stay with me stay with me, please stay with me this is where we met we're back here again don't leave me alone don't leave me alone i can't stand the way the world feels when i'm walking alone [x2] can you please keep talking to me now tell me all about your new friends i know you don't think i can hear you now but i'm listening, i'm listening and this is where we met we're back here again (back here back here again) don't leave me alone don't leave me alone i can't stand the way the world feels when i'm walking alone [x2] love seems like a mess when it won't let go of me but when it's gone i don't feel when it's gone i don't feel alive [x2] don't leave me alone don't leave me alone i can't stand the way the world feels when i'm walking alone [x2] love seems like a mess when it won't let go of me but when it's gone i don't feel when it's gone i don't feel alive when it's gone i don't feel alive 0: post·add·edit

[ July 16, 2005 ] Seems like just yesterday You were a part of me I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong Your arms around me tight Everything, it felt so right Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong Now I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes I told you everything Opened up and let you in You made me feel alright For once in my life Now all that's left of me Is what I pretend to be Sewn together, but so broken up inside 'Cause I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hangin' on Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes Swallow me then spit me out For hating you, I blame myself Seeing you it kills me now No, I don't cry on the outside Anymore... Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes 0: post·add·edit

[ July 14, 2005 ] I'll sing it one last time for you Then we really have to go You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done And I can barely look at you But every single time I do I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear Louder louder And we'll run for our lives I can hardly speak I understand Why you can't raise your voice to say To think I might not see those eyes Makes it so hard not to cry And as we say our long goodbye I nearly do Light up... Slower slower We don't have time for that All I want is to find an easier way To get out of our little heads Have heart my dear We're bound to be afraid Even if it's just for a few days Making up for all this mess Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear 0: post·add·edit

[ July 13, 2005 ] Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up? Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck? Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost? 0: post·add·edit

[ July 8, 2005 ] It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub I baptized myself in change And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been And I emerged to find the parallels were fewer, I was cleansed I looked in the mirror and someone new was there But I was as helpless as a chess piece when I was lifted up by someone's hand And delivered from the corner my enemies had got me in But in all of my salvation I still felt imprisoned in... side that holding cell that is myself So I wait for the day when I'll hear the key as it turns in the lock and the guard will say to me, "Oh my patient prisoner you waited for this and finally... you are free! You are free! You are freezing." 0: post·add·edit

[ July 3, 2005 ] wow... I Love Him. 0: post·add·edit

[ July 1, 2005 ] Well the future's got me worried, such awful thoughts My head's a carousel of pictures, the spinning never stops I just want someone to walk in front And I'll follow the leader Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush Started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs I almost forgot who I was But came to my senses Now I'm trying to be assertive, I'm making plans Gonna rise to the occasion, yeah, meet all their demands But all I do is just lay in bed And hide under the covers Yeah, I know I should be brave But I'm just too afraid of all this change And it's too hard to focus through all this doubt I keep making these to-do lists but nothing gets crossed out Working on the record seems pointless now When the world ends who's gonna hear it? But I'm trying to take some comfort in written words Yeah, Tim, I heard your album and it's better than good When we get off tour I think we should Hang and black out together Cause I been feeling sentimental for days gone by All the summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting our time Remember all the songs and the way we smiled In those basements made of music But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all I'm not as strong as I thought So when I'm lost in a crowd I hope that you'll pick me out How I... I long to be found The grass grew high, I laid down Now I wait for a hand To lift me up, help me stand I've been laying so low Don't wanna lay here no more Don't wanna lay here no more Don't wanna lay here no more Don't wanna lay here no more, no more Everything that happens is supposed to be And it's all predetermined can't change your destiny Guess I'll just keep moving Someday maybe I'll get to where I'm going 0: post·add·edit

[ June 28, 2005 ] "waiting here in hopes the phone will ring... and im thinking awful things..." :( :( 0: post·add·edit

[ June 25, 2005 ] What's happening here? I was once so alive now im so full of dred and almost dead show me your wounded head that has lead to communion with the father. where did he go? his presence seems farther and farther away each day but im trying so hard to steer his way yet so still lonely and confused on this cold hard ground i lay speak to me wise mouth and say that "It's all good kid it's nothing that you did. And though it feels like im not here with you right now, just be still and listen for that sound..did you hear it? listen again did you hear it? that silent voice that just spoke nothing ... that is me im listening to your plea with open ears counting all your tears flowing from your irritated eyes searching the skies looking for that hope that beyond there lies. You young worrysome sparrow find rest lay your battered head on my omnipresent breast and make it your nest no strong cold wind could ever blow and carry you from this your home look around see the life springing up from the ground spring colors springing forth in celebration of your trusting it's a constant process this is, growing you into the person that you're to become but when you sense the setting of the sun know that it is only rising and has just begun now go forth sing songs of faith and lift up others in the midst of this race and if you can't keep the pace or loose sight of my face know that im always near so you need not fear but dont worry about all that right now just sit here and enjoy the peace i offer in my silence when i am silent i am listening and not abandoning.." 1: read·post·add·edit

[ June 23, 2005 ] "It's a hard knock life, then you pass away" 0: post·add·edit

[ June 21, 2005 ] oh yeah i forgot. i will have my life back. only on tuesdays tho cuz the new real world season starts tonight hehehe!!!!!!! 0: post·add·edit

[ June 21, 2005 ] Sooo... it's like time for me to get a job, and a life. hmmppp. i miss muh sistah ♥ uhmm and i updated myspace layout www.myspace.com/thehugpoem go look. ♥ 1: read·post·add·edit

[ June 20, 2005 ] Uhmm. i never have anything new. uhmm.. Me and brock are blood buddies now. that's it. Feel sorry for me cuz my life is boring.. 0: post·add·edit

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